Danfeller

Posts Tagged ‘women’

Women are like apples on trees

Monday, July 13th, 2009

Ok. So there’s this quote going around facebook, I’ve seen it about 15 times on various girls’ quotes sections. While poetic and creative in nature, I feel the quote needs some commenting by the opposite sex of the author. This quote was obviously written by a female, and I think she left out some key perspectives on the entire issue. Hear me out, and don’t get pissed until the end.

Here’s the quote:

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy…….so, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re AMAZING. They just have to wait for the right guy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree….

In an attempt to clear up any confusion or misunderstanding about communication and relationships between males and females, I’m going to tear apart this entire quote piece by piece. Lets start with the first 2 sentences.

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree

First off, the whole women are like apples bit is alright. I have no problem with analogies, and as far as a quote goes, this is a strong start. It captures the audience with a slightly off-beat comparison. It’s the second sentence that bothers me. For starters, the sentence isn’t accurate, even when talking about literal apples. In fact, some of the best apples are toward the bottom of the tree due to getting a healthy balance of sunlight and shade. Often times, the apples at the top of the tree tend to get misshapen or unhealthy because they are constantly exposed to sunlight, as well as being directly in the wind. But all science aside, I disagree with the statement that “All the best girls are at the top of the tree.” If we are following the analogy correctly, the girls at the top of the tree are “harder to get.” In my opinion, this is absolutely no reflection of how interesting or great a specific girl is. It simply states their level of availability, and their position of approachability.

On that note, I actually feel that it’s an unhealthy and uninformed decision to position your self at the top of the tree. By doing so, you are automatically assuming you are better than everyone else. Relationships and your ability to level with someone of the opposite sex is completely relative. It has almost nothing to do with absolutions and generalizations. If someone likes you, it’s not because you are plain and simply better, it means that someone else feels that you are a better match for them than another girl.

This is where I have to disagree with the use of a tree in this quote. Unlike trees, there’s no such thing as a “top” or “bottom” in the path to a relationship. In fact, attaining a relationship is one of the least linear things you will ever achieve in your life. A better analogy would be an ocean, and girls AND GUYS are like fish. Every single one of the them is different, and they appear at varying depths and coordinance according to where they feel the most comfortable in safe. Their location in this ocean has nothing to do with social status, or just how “Amazing” they are, simply where they are at that point in their life.

Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy

Wrong. Most men don’t want to reach for the ones on the top because they are most likely pretentious and self centered. If you view yourself as being at the top of the tree, you most likely feel you have something other girls don’t. This is a completely unfair assumption to make. Every person in the world is appealing to someone else, the trick in life is finding that person that makes you tick, and your positioning on this metaphorical tree holds almost no relevance when you are talking about who likes who and for what reason.

Now I’d like to address the second chief concern I have about this segment. The author is making the assumption that guys go for the girls at the “bottom” because they are easy, and to a degree, that’s correct. However, this is no fault of males. We take the opportunities handed to us. Sometimes we make those opportunities into something great, other times, we simply take them for what they are: plain old fun. I think there is a lot of validity in pointing out that we don’t want to get hurt, but who doesn’t? it’s not as if girls are any less fragile than we are when it comes to having our feelings hurt.

More often than not, girls who feel they are at the top of the tree, waiting for their knight in shining armor, are not having the experiences they’d like to have with males. I honestly believe this is just as much an issue with the girls decisions, as it does a guys actions, or lack there of. Many phenomenal girls will, perhaps unintentionally, make themselves unavailable and unapproachable. So ladies, here’s something to think about: If you feel you are one of these “top” apples, and “Mr. right” just hasn’t come along, there is a strong possibility this is the case because you make yourself unapproachable. Instead of assuming it’s the males responsibility to make conversation with you, try reversing the roles. Relationships rarely “just happen” and often time takes effort on both parties. Branch out, go outside your comfort zone, don’t wait for the right guy, but go out and find him. He’s waiting for you just as much as you’re waiting for him.

so, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re AMAZING. They just have to wait for the right guy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree….

I’m not going to even start explaining how degrading and condescending this statement is, so lets just sum the entire thing up.

Love, or love as the popular media portrays it, is a figment if your imagination, a dream. It’s something created by ad agencies to make you buy things you don’t need. Girls tend to have a common fantasy; The one with the Hugh Grant personality and smile who sweeps you off your feet and caries you off to his castle where you live happily ever after….you know the one I’m talking about. I hate to say it, but it doesn’t exist. Disney created the image for little girls to give them hope in their future, but it drastically backfired when the images they offered you became your reality, unwilling to compromise with anything less fantastical, hence stunting your positive development in life.

Love exists, it’s not imaginary, but it’s also created by your own reality. YOUR reality, not the view of creative directors attempting to sell a new line of underwear. Love is an unbreakable bond between two people, cherished beyond anything in their life. Don’t make the mistake of fooling yourself into a false sense of love because that’s what the media told you to do. Your Mr. Perfect will come along, I promise, but until then, don’t waste your time sitting on the top of a tree, wishing, waiting, and hoping. Try being adventurous, try being the one on the ground and challenge yourself to reach for the top. Sitting at the top of a tree is a mindset, and a dangerous one at that.

…but who knows, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I just have a dark outlook on this whole situation. Perhaps I’m wrong and love really is a magical place with unicorns and rainbows. But in the reality I live in, women and men are equal opportunity relationship manufacturers, and it’s the responsibility of both parties to adjust their own reality to meet the person of their dreams. Don’t let what I’ve said bring you down, because that’s not the point. If anything, you should be energized and excited about the whole world in front of you. Think of the people. Think of the possibilities. It’s all there sitting in front of you, just hop down from your tree, and go get it….unless you’re afraid of getting hurt on the way down….

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